i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
