I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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