Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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