I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
