Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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