Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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