Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Shame - the story of my life.
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