I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
