I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
