my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
