he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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