my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
