just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
