I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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