Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
