Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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