I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
