I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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