how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
