i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
