he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
