The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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