Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
