So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
