I hate all girls vehemently.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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