I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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