I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
