I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
