Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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