we're chasing vodka with high fives
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
