I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
