apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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