The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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