An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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