Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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