Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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