he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am mentally ready for anal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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