I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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