The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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