Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
