Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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