I looked at my own cervix.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
