i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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