We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
