I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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