Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
