On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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