wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
