I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
