you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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