I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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