she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You made out with two different species that night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
