maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
