So drunk its hurt
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
