weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
