I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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