are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
