My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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