Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They took my balls.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
