how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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