I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
