He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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