She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
