Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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