Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
