Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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