i just had sex bonerless
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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