His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
