we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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