My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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