When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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