I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
