I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
