What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
