My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
